Keep on Keepin on - July 15th

This rollercoaster of a ride called cancer just ‘keeps on keepin on’. After a couple of pretty good days in a row Beth hit a wall today. More than a distinct pain, there are days where Beth has an overall feeling of discomfort that builds and builds throughout the day until she can’t take it anymore and succumbs to her pain meds. Today was one of those days.  Her bones are achy, she is nauseous, her mouth is bone dry, and her stomach feels tight and bloated 24 hours a day. She gets very restless and wants to walk around, but she doesn’t last long because she fatigues quickly. Her skin is very dry which is a residual side effect of chemo. To top it off the cancer causes her to be “so flippin hot!” most of the day. Any one of these things alone would be nothing that Beth couldn’t handle, but all of them combined leads for a very long day. I’ve said it before, if this was me, my family would have had to check me into an assisted living home a long time ago because I would NEVER stop complaining.  I am amazed at her pain tolerance.

Today, I picked up my phone and saw that I was mentioned in a tweet. It was a friend through social media whom I started following a couple of years ago. His name is Greg Trimble and he is the author of a very well written blog on his website. He posts about religion, family, business, and leadership. I especially enjoy his unique perspective about the LDS church. We recently traded messages back and forth as he noticed what our family was going through and asked if he could dedicate a post to tell our story. Both Beth and I were very moved as we read his post. Beth was brought to tears as we read. She has a very hard time dealing with all of the attention. She always says to me (usually through tears), “I just don’t get it. Why are people so good to us? Why do people care so much?”  We are humbled that Greg took the time to focus on our family and share our story with all of his followers. Greg, if you ever find yourself in Cleveland (Kirtland Historic Site visit????) just know you and the family have some Cavs tickets waiting for you!  Go Cavs!

How A Family Of Battle Hardened #Mormons Turned Me Into an @cavs Fan @KingJames @abmowrey https://t.co/olhu3E79K1 pic.twitter.com/4RxPGaOQQw

— Greg Trimble (@TrimbleGreg) July 15, 2016

#BattleTogether 

That's Not Where the Apples Go! - July 14th

Beth had a pretty good day today.  Most of the day was a “no-pain med” day. She even got out of bed to straighten up the kitchen. For the record, my mother (who is staying with us to help) has kept the kitchen spotless since she has been here. Beth said she needed to rearrange where we keep the fruit and blamed it on her hatred of clutter. I think she really just wanted the satisfaction of doing something that felt normal to her.  Doing that simple chore for her was her way of not giving in to cancer. Beth even ate dinner with us outside on our deck. I could tell she was not feeling the best but it was so great to have her sitting at the table with us. It has been a while.

Beth’s hair is starting to grow back in. It may be rather insignificant but seeing her hair grow back in a way symbolizes that the poison (Chemo) that was in her body for so long is out of her system and her body is trying to get back to normal.  

Some days I think our kids are handling cancer as well as possible.  They each cope and deal with the situation in their own ways. We talk often and I am always impressed on how well they seem to be doing. Then there are days like yesterday where a full fledged war happened over who’s turn it was to sit in the front seat of the car.  I mean, so much yelling, screaming, tears and even some physicality. As I sat there and tried to understand how something as stupid as sitting in the front seat of the car can turn into World War III, it dawned on me that this outburst was them letting off some built up steam.  A release.  A much needed release.

That same night, just a few hours after the front seat debacle, Ben uploaded the below post to his Instagram account. Maybe his Royal Rumble battle with his sisters cleared his head enough to allow him to better express himself. I am thankful for his eternal perspective on what is going on and I am thankful that he gets it.  Maybe not all of it, but he gets it enough.  

Benson Mowrey

Since I was 8 years old, my mom has battled Stage 2 breast cancer. Over the years it went away, then came back. Recently it has gotten much worse, and the doctors are thinking that she has about 4-6 months to live. I hear stories like this all the time. But now to actually live it...I just have no words. But her unwavering faith in the Lord and His plan gives me, and is, hope. She is the poster child of believing in Christ. She quotes scriptures all time time, and I'm always so impressed. For example, today she read a scripture that she thought applied to me and my current situation. We cried, and we ended up exchanging stories about each other and just talking. That's just one of the many things I will miss about her, but the thing I will miss the most is her hugs.

To some extent, this is a way for me to get this all out of my system before she's gone. I don't like it, but it's the Lord's way, not mine. It's because of this that I will not be posting for a while. I hope you understand. Thank you guys for being the best.

#BattleTogether

Get on Your Knees...and Scrub - July 13th

Today was a pretty uneventful day for Beth. Beth spent most of the day in bed with a fan in her face and a cold wash cloth on her across her forehead. Our AC went out today on one of the hottest days of the summer. She is crazy hot all the time anyway (symtom of the cancer in her liver and some of her meds) so it took her a while to realize the AC had gone out. The AC was fixed this evening and the house was slowly starting to cool down up until the power went out from a passing storm.  Beth is about 5 mintues from stripping down, walking outside and laying down in our front yard in the pouring rain. That’s how hot she is. Fun times.  

One strange thing to note - Beth’s liver is as hard as a rock today and it sticks out from her abdomen. It feels like there is a brick just under her skin. Not sure what that is all about.

Speaking of her liver, Beth’s friend Katie has encouraged her to use positive visualizations. She said, “Visualize 'Warrior Beth' going after and hunting down those cancer cells and annihilating them”.  Beth said, why not and tried it out. She quickly realized 'she’s a lover, not a fighter’.  She imagines herself instead with a scrub brush cleaning the cancer off her liver.  “I imagine all of the people that are battling with us picking up a scrub brush, getting on thier hands and knees and scrubbing my liver clean until it’s nice and white”.  

That is how she goes to sleep each night - this crazy image of a bunch of miniature friends working together to rid her body of the cancer.  I need some of those drugs.

Lastly, I had a Fathead made of Beth. You will see more of this in future posts and I will elborate. 

#BattleTogether

The Question - July 12th

When we decided to start posting an update to this blog each day, it was not to bum everyone out on daily basis. The thought was that it would be a great way to keep everyone informed and up to date on Beth.  So many people love her and are concerned. It was getting to the point where she couldn’t keep up with the texts, emails and phone calls from her loved ones inquiring about her. Over the last few weeks these blog updates have evolved into more than just a health update. I have taken this time to journal some tender moments we have shared.  I understand that some things are emotional and sometimes hard to consume.  Therefore, I will try to structure my posts where I give a relatively quick update on Beth’s day or any noteworthy changes in her health in the first few paragraphs. The latter part of the post will be a peak behind the curtains - a funny story, a tender moment, a memory or something we want to remember.   So, if you want to get a quick Beth health update and go about your day without the sappy part of the post, read the first few paragraphs. For those that want more, enjoy the entire post.

Now, with all that said, please have a seat for this one. Beth has decided that she is not going to continue with her Chemo treatment.  In talking with her doctors, they believe the possibility of chemo working at this point (10-15% chance) would only provide marginal improvements in her symptoms and time. The low probability of success combined with the severe side effects is not worth the sacrifice.  We are going to continue with PERJETA and Herceptin infusions every 3 weeks.  PERJETA and Herceptin are antibodies that help slow down cancer cell growth and buy her time.  Speaking of time…

In the 8 years that Beth has had cancer, she has never once asked how long she has to live.  She never wanted to know.  She didn’t want the doctors to pollute her mind with an “educated guess” as to how long she has to live.  She felt fine and she was always optimistic that she could beat this. Yesterday, we asked the question.  The answer?  4 to 6 months. Her doctors said she would hopefully make it to Christmas. How did Beth react? “Well, now I have a number to beat!” Let’s do this!”

So many tears shed the last few days.  The hardest part was telling each of kids the news last night.

Each of them cried.  Each of them had questions. The most heartbreaking moment was when our 11-year old Lily, a few hours after we told her, ran inside upset and said, “Mom! This means you will miss my birthday”.  

Beth wanted me to thank you for the outpouring of love.  She has loved hearing from so many of you over the last few weeks. It has been so uplifting.

We love you all.

#BattleTogether

Beth is an Anchor - July 11th

It’s hard to say that Beth is feeling better the last few days because it is all relative, but she does feel a little better than she did a few days ago. When we went to Chicago last week they took her weight and she had lost another 6 pounds over the last 2 weeks. Her legs and arms are so skinny. This girl needs a Double-Double and a large chocolate shake from In-N-Out, STAT.  

A quick update as to where we are in our decision regarding Beth’s treatment. Beth’s oral chemo treatment called for 2 weeks on and 1 week off.  Beth finished her first round of chemo last Wednesday and has had this current week off.  We found out on Friday that her blood work showed that the chemo has been ineffective. If she was to continue with the treatment she would have to start back up this Wednesday.  Beth is leaning towards not continuing with Chemo. She says that if the chemo showed even the slightest sign of positive effects on the cancer she would continue. However, after her tumor markers doubled in 2 weeks she is unwilling to waste another 3 weeks with the current treatment all while feeling sick and miserable and with no benefit. The issue is, there are no other traditional treatment options for her.  We have not fully made a decision yet as we still need to ask some clarifying questions to our doctors and continue to pray about what we should do. (Note: This whole Pokemon Go phenomenon is making her decision a little easier). This has been very hard for Beth. She is used to her doctor telling her what the next step is. She is used to her doctor telling her what is the best path to take.

One decision she HAS made is that we are going forward with our trip to Florida next week. She is adamant about this.  A few months ago, we planned a trip to Florida to visit my brother and help my parents move into their new house (yes, that means there are officially no more Mowreys in Los Angeles - so sad).  A very emotional Beth said, “I am not going to be an anchor around this family’s neck that keeps them from having fun”. Beth likened herself to an anchor in a negative light. The more I thought about her anchor comment the more I began to agree with Beth. She is an anchor. She is the anchor of this family. An anchor symbolizes strength and stability.  Through her battle she has been there for her kids, she has tried to make as many memories as she physically can. She is there to talk to the kids 1 on 1. She even let’s us finish watching Game 7 of the Cavs-Warriors series and the championship post-game celebration before politely announcing that she needed someone to take her to the emergency room (true story).

#BATTLETOGETHER

Please Don't Stab Me - July 10th

This morning Beth mustered up enough energy to get herself dressed and to church. She wanted to come to church and take the sacrament with her family. She almost made it to the end of the first block before we had to leave. She was feeling too weak and felt like she was going to pass out. I give her an A+ for effort.  

Beth’s body may be failing but one thing the cancer has not affected is her brain. Despite her pain and her physical challenges brought on by cancer, Beth is as sharp and witty as ever.  Her humor and comedic timing has been on another level the last few months.

The other day Beth was crying and I went to give her a hug. I kneeled down by her bed and she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in close.  She explained that she was sad because she “didn’t want to do this by herself”.   She was referring to passing on.  She said, “You know I am not good at doing things by myself.  I wish you could come with me”.  This is absolutely true.  When we were engaged she had me come to a group interview with her as she was interviewing to become a flight attendant with Northwest Airlines (someday ask to her to tell you how I got a job offer before she did).

As I laid next to her with her arms wrapped around me, she said again, “I just want you to come with me”.  I jokingly said, “Do you have a knife in your hand right now?”  Without missing a beat, she said, “No honey, I would never stab you. I would poison you”.  I slowly pulled away from her as I was a little disturbed that she had put a little too much thought into this subject.  

One of the best parts of Beth’s cancer treatments being in Chicago is that I get to spend 6 to 7 hours of uninterrupted time with her each way.  We have had some of the best conversations during those long drives.  This last trip home was very unusual.  We talked about subjects we have never discussed before.  Like, whom I am allowed to marry and what she wants her funeral to be like.

I am so thankful that despite her body falling apart, inside that failing body is still Beth.

#BattleTogether - July 9th

For those scoring at home, Beth has cried on 39 separate occasions today. Each time she picks up her phone and starts to browse her Facebook messages or check her email or look through her texts, she is overcome by emotion from all of the kind, loving and thoughtful messages of support.

The hashtag #BattleTogether was stolen from one of the teams I work for. The Cavaliers Operating Company owns and operates an AHL Minor League Hockey Team, the Lake Erie Monsters. They are the AHL affiliate of the Columbus Blue Jackets of the NHL.  At the start of the playoff we created a hashtag for the postseason of #BattleTogether. It implied that the entire city of Cleveland was united and rallying together as our team on the ice fought through the playoffs. The team eventually won the Championship and it was amazing thing to see #BattleTogether take on a life of it’s own and help bring home the Calder Cup.

Shortly after Beth’s cancer spread and she was faced with an enormous uphill battle, I adopted the hashtag #BattleTogether because we knew that this was what was really happening; we all were battling this cancer together, even though many of you are hundreds or even thousands of miles away. I was touched today when I was randomly browsing though Instagram and saw one of Caroline's friends from Indiana had #BattleTogether in her profile bio. We can feel your support as you champion us on to get us through this time. You will never know how much strength and energy your thoughts, prayers, letters, phone calls, texts, Facebook messages (and Facebook Pokes, Rob Laycock), packages, visits, steaks, acts of service, etc gives us. So, yesterday and today we have been reminded over and over again that our friends embody what it means to #BattleTogether.  Thank you!  

It Will be Alright in the End - July 8th

We got the results from Beth's blood work this morning.  Her tumor markers have doubled since her last visit 2 weeks ago.  This is not good news. It means the chemo treatments have been ineffective.  Both of us knew immediately when our doctor, Courtney walked in that the news wasn’t good. We could tell by the look on her face.  

We now have some decisions to make:

1. We can continue treatment and hope that the chemo starts doing it’s job. Courtney did say that sometimes it takes 2 cycles for the chemo to fully kick in and stop the momentum of the cancer cells replicating. She said we could try the chemo for another week and then do another blood draw.  We would need the tumor markers to be at the very least, steady.  If it shows an increase again it would confirm what we think the doctors already know, that this treatment is not working.

2. Another option we have is to go ahead stop treatment altogether. The benefit of stopping treatment now is that it will spare her the side effects of the chemo (which are pretty severe) and drastically improve her quality of life.  However, stopping treatment just feels so wierd.  

Needless to say it has been an emotional day.  Emotions are still pretty raw. Don’t stop the prayers and well wishes.  Pray for time and comfort for Beth. Speaking of comfort, Beth has felt relatively good today. Aside from being wiped out emotionally, she has had good energy and has not been in too much pain.

We will have more to share in the coming days.  

We love you all.

#BattleTogether

“Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.”

― Jeffrey R. Holland

A Miracle is Happening - July 7th

We made it to Chicago today.  It was a rough trip for Beth.  Beth has never done well with early morning wake up calls.  She felt sick most of the trip and she was very uncomfortable sitting in the car for that long.

Tomorrow, we have another early morning as Beth’s first appointment is at 5:45 a.m - OUCH. Tomorrow we should find out if this new Chemo has made any difference in fighting the cancer in her liver.

Despite what Beth’s test results are tomorrow it will not overshadow the fact that there is a miracle taking place. Over the last couple of years (and really over the last few months) we have been overwhelmed with love and support.  Our family, and more importantly our kids have had a front row seat to see so many faithful people praying and serving our family.  This has had a profound impact on us.  Our kids are learning how to “mourn with those that mourn; and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”.   They are learning how to be more Christ-Like.  They are learning how to love one another.

A miracle is happening as my kids watch their mother display unwavering faith through her trials.  She has taught them to have faith in the God’s timing.  We don’t know why Beth’s life will be cut short but whenever our Heavenly Father calls Beth home, we can be at peace knowing that God’s timing is perfect.

There are so many miracles happening around us as we go through this trial and we are trying to do a better job recognizing those miracles and making sure we all appreciate them and learn from them.

We love you all.

#BattleTogether

Update: July 6th

Back to back "good days" for Beth. Her appetite today was as good as it has been in weeks. She even ventured outside to enjoy the sun on our deck. To top it off we had a couple of visits from a few people we absolutely love and that lifted Beth's spirits.  It's all about the little victories. 

Tomorrow we get up early and head to Chicago for tests and treatment. The big test will be her blood work and that will tell us if the new chemo is working. We will meet with out doctor on Friday to go over the results. 

Early wake up call tomorrow, so I will end it here. 

#BattleTogether 

Update: July 5th

Relatively speaking today was a good day.  No problems with the pain meds (thanks to the anti-nausea meds).  No problems with the pain meds means no problems taking the chemo meds.  No problem with the chemo meds mean good things.  Like Biggie said, “Mo Problems, Mo Money”. Wait, I think I got that wrong, but nevertheless my version is extremely accurate. (Link is for our non-rap fan readers).  

Keep the prayers, good vibes, love and support coming.  And keep those Orange rolls coming! I'm looking at you Sue Seldon!

Dig Deeper!!!! Update: July 4th

It really scares me to see how weak Beth is.  This morning she tried to take a bath.  She couldn't make it up the stairs by herself.  She could barely undress herself.  She was unable to lower herself into the tub.  She hasn't been able to get herself out of the tub for a few months now.  I have to kneel down and have her put her arms around my neck and stand up in order to raise her out of the tub.  If this was a UFC fight the referee would have called the fight a long time ago and awarded the win to Cancer. I truly don't know how she does it day after day.  

I remember back in 2012 before Beth's cancer came back for the 3rd time, Beth and I were doing the Shaun T, Insanity Workouts together.  He would always scream, "Dig Deeper" as he was trying to kill you.  I imagine Beth saying that to herself on days like today.

I bet these 4 knuckleheads have something to do with her will to keep going.

Lastly, if you have sent Beth a text lately and didn't get a response this is why.  She starts to reply and then dozes off.

We love you all.

#BattleToghether

BETH'S CANCER BLOG - Update: July 3rd

Not a lot of change in Beth's situation over the last few days.  She doesn't get out of bed much, she eats very little and she sleeps 75% of the day.  Over the last 2 months anytime I’ve asked Beth how she is feeling the answer has always been met with a slight grimace, a shoulder shrug and a moan.  She sats she just feels "yucky" all the time.  She is hesitant to let me include this in the blog because she has always been afraid of coming off as "too whiney". She could post a "whiney" Facebook status every day for the next month and she would be justified. Something to note:  Beth approves most if not all of my posts and all of my lame attempts at humor. Sometimes she leaves in the dumb jokes just to watch me crash and burn.  

Lastly, there is one thing I wanted to clear up:

Many people think that I started this Blog, which infers that I came up with the name of the Blog. When Beth first started the Blog she wanted to name it "The Gift" but that name was already taken.  So she added "Unexpected" to the name.  The name was chosen because in the beginning we felt like cancer and the entire experience was going to be a blessing to our family.  As much as cancer has sucked we have absolutely experienced many great things because of this trial, way too many to name in this post (I'll tackle that subject at a later time).  I just want to set the record straight, that while I love the name of the blog, I wouldn't have named it "The Unexpected Gift".  It would have been something way more generic like: "BETH’S CANCER BLOG".

Today was Fast Sunday and we appreciate everyone that was fasting for Beth.  We love you all and appreciate that we all #BattleTogether.

Update: July 2nd

Beth's day consisted of lots of HGTV, less than 250 steps, one peach, one juice, 1/2 a veggie quesadilla and lots and lots of sleep. One positive thing to note: Beth has been coughing less the last few days. Great news. Hoping that is a sign that Chemo is working.

I asked Beth about her day and here are a few of her answers:

1. BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY: “You guys came home”.  

Beth had to come home early from our family vacation yesterday.  She didn’t mind since we were going to a water park and sitting in a steamy indoor water park did not sound very enticing.  

2. 2ND BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY:  “There was an amazing sunset tonight”

3. WORST THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY: “Worrying about bacterial meningitis”  

Beth watched a TED Talk about an Olympic Snowboarder named, Amy Purdy who didn’t feel well one night. She went to sleep and woke up with bacterial meningitis.  She lost both kidneys, her spleen and her feet. It freaked Beth out.  Note: this irrational fear by Beth was not drug-induced.

4. TV SHOW(S):  Fixer Upper and Chopped

How do you Fight? Update: July 1st

About 6 months ago we planned a vacation with Beth's sister's family. Beth's sister has 7 kids and it is always a blast to have all of the cousins together. We had planned to get our families together over the 4th of July weekend. When her cancer worsened a few weeks ago it put our vacation in jeopardy. I had all but written it off, but Beth refused to have us cancel our vacation plans at her expense. At the very worst, Beth was willing to stay home while we all went. We had planned to spend a few days in a cabin in the Loudonville/Mohican area about 2 hours SouthWest of Cleveland.  As we got ready to go Beth decided to suck it up, drag herself out bed and join the rest of the family.

I believe most people would not consider Beth’s decision to go on our family vacation as a form of “Fighting Cancer”.  When most people think of “fighting cancer” they think in terms of something physical you are doing - receiving treatment, changing your diet, exercising, etc. Beth’s unwillingness to let cancer stop her from spending time and making memories with her kids and her nieces and nephews is just one of the ways she fights cancer.  It really is inspiring.  Even though Beth had to stay in bed the entire time we were there and she felt very sick, just the fact that we knew she was with us and we could spend time with her in her room meant everything to our children, our nieces and nephews, Beth’s sister and brother-in-law. It also meant a lot to Beth. The entire trip felt better because she was with us. I am continually amazed at her strength, her motivation and her focus on her family's well-being.

Beth patiently waiting for us to set up her room at the cabin.

Beth's room was the place to be,

#BattleTogether