Saturday, September 27, 2008
Big Whoop
The next big thing. The mastectomy is scheduled for Tuesday, October 14 at 8:00 am. Alan keeps telling me that I need to catch up on the blog, but aside from that little piece of info there is nothing else going on. In fact, I don't even know how I feel about that. Am I supposed to be scared that I am having surgery? Or happy that I finally get a breast reduction (however radical it may be)? Or sad to see them go? Worried that it's too soon? Not soon enough? I don't know what to think. Most of the time I don't think about cancer, I think about my sister. Everything reminds me of her. This morning Alan ran in a 5k for some 'corporate challenge' thing for work. I had the kids and while we walked around passing the time music was playing over the loud speakers. Some rad Milli Vanilli song came on (Girl You Know It's True) and when the part that says..."I'm in love with you, girl 'cause you're on my mind, you're the one I think about most every time..." I swear I could hear her fake rapping as if she were right there next to me. I laughed out loud as we walked along but now it makes me cry. Milli Vanilli was one of her first cd's and sadly, we all knew the album well. How am I supposed to think about anything else? I miss her so much. Cancer is a stinking nuisance.
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5 comments:
((hugs)) Beth, I don't know how I would feel either. You have had so much happen in such a short amount of time. I am so sorry. Milli Vanilli.. that was back in the day.
Beth, I'm just cathing up with your blog and everything that you've been going through lately, and the only thing that keeps going through my mind is how amazing you are. Seriously, I can't get over your strength. Please know that you're in our families prayers and that we love you. You are such a rock!
Odd things here and there make me think about Becky too and I laugh, thinking about her really sweet laugh. I wish it were the case that throughout all these years I could have thought about her every so often. It makes me want to go through all the friends in my life I've shared great things with and smile at the memory because each one added something great. Cherish that while they're alive and maybe make a random call here and there.
Beth, you're awesome! You are in our prayers. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister and her family. It's amazing how fragile life is isn't it? You guys are the best and we love ya and miss ya. Tell Alan and the kids hello from us. Hang in there and best of luck in these upcoming weeks.
Love ya,
Jake Manley
I think conflicted is exactly how you're supposed to feel. So, it looks like you're doing perfectly.
I won't even pretend to understand losing a sibling. I do know that bittersweet feeling of something suddenly reminding you of someone who's passed-- you're glad to remember but heartbroken as it keenly reminds you what you'll be missing for a long time.
Nice cheery comment, I know. Would it help if I added I'm jealous of your tummy tuck? 9 months post-pregnancy and my belly is still out of control!
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