Extreme Makeover: Cancer Edition

My hair has been way too long for way too long. But since I knew it would all be falling out anyway, I wasn't really anxious to spend the money to have it cut. I thought I would just shave it the night before it was going to expel itself. Anyway it was getting almost impossible to tame, let alone look half way decent. I can hardly lift my arms to wash my hair and it was pretty tough to even pull it back into my 3-day ponytail. I finally decided about 45 min before I went to have the port placed that I couldn't take it for even one more minute. There is a Great Clips down the street and I thought, what the heck. I just need them to whack it off to my shoulders. I don't need a fantastic style, it's all coming out in a little bit anyway, right? Holy smokes. Big Mistake. So, lesson learned. After a $50 fix-it cut at a lovely Aveda salon I now feel like it will once again be sad to lose my hair. I have a cute, super short do. Ella said that she really liked it and that it looked a little like Kate's hair (holla). Which is really wonderful because before we even left the salon at great clips, she said that my hair kinda looked like Professor Snape's hair from the Harry Potter movies. Yep. It was bad.

I wish I could think of something funny for the rest of the post. Chemo starts on Friday. This coming Friday. I can't even type that without freaking out. I think even though we had talked about chemo before, I was never really committed to the idea. Like something would change before it ever became a reality. Friday seems like a huge reality. I keep waiting for some miracle to save me. When I was young and (often) unprepared for a test or something the next day, I can remember just praying the school would catch on fire or something so I wouldn't have to take it. (That sounds really bad. Wow.) Well now I'm kind of at that spot. Hoping that all chemo shipments get lost in transit. It seems so surreal. Ella's birthday party is on Thursday. The next day I have my first treatment. Fourteen days from that, I will be bald. Gross. This does not seem possible. Seriously. My life is pretty busy and even still I just can't see this as something I will be doing next week...and the 20 weeks after that. Unbelievable. Crazy.

Well, here we go. Bring it on. Do your worst, cancer. (Not really.) I can take it. (I hope.) As I'm trying to talk tough can I just say that everyone... friends, family, neighbors, well wishers...I will forever be changed because of your kindness. I am not capable of what I have been through or what still lies ahead without you.