Today I feel...

Merry... we had a fantastic Christmas. Gushy... my eyes will not stop tearing. It's gross. I am constantly wiping and dabbing my eyes. The doctor said it's because I have chemo tears that irritate my eyes. Oh good. Chemo tears. Homesick... for family, friends, the beach, and for a good ol' backyard barbecue. It wouldn't hurt to have a junior super deluxe with black beans from El Som, either. Giddy... as I look lovingly on my life size poster board cut-out of 'Edward' that my neighbor Cheryl gave me. It is hilarious. Hopeful... for what this new year could hold for us. As much as this year has had it's trials and dark moments, it's also been a year of incredible blessings and great spiritual growth. Aerodynamic... with no hair and no boobs I feel like I could give Micheal Phelps a run for his money. Now if only I were an athlete. Relieved... that the AC (adriamycin and cytoxin) part of the chemo is now behind me. Apprehensive... now that the AC part of the chemo is over and the taxol portion is about to begin. With the AC, I at least knew what to expect. Sore... unfortunately it's from something I'm almost to embarrassed to admit to. I think I hurt my arm playing Alan in Tiger Woods golf on the Wii. Sad. Ecstatic... We are coming home!!! We will have 9 fabulous days with friends and family. January 17-25. Get out your Disneyland passes, dust off the volleyballs, and fire up the grills because we are coming home!

Chemo sucks

Just after thanksgiving Beth's hair started to fall out. Wanting to take control of the situation she decided that she wanted to buzz her head. Our good friend Lee Ann came over to document the event. Here are some pictures and for those interested, more pictures can be seen by clicking here.

Say bye bye to the $75 Aveda Hair cut she got only 1 week earlier. Just put that on our cancer tab please.

All the kids were a little freaked out by the whole event and chose to stay away for most of it - especially Benson.

Beth has a perfectly shaped head

There were a lot of laughs and some tears

All finished

Oh brother...

Friday was my third treatment. I normally meet with the doctor before treatment to go over how the last one went and talk about any problems or questions.
So I say, "Well, I have been getting these headaches behind my left eye (and I had a pretty bad one as I was sitting in his office)."
He looks at me and completely seriously asks, "Do you need a brain scan?"
To which I respond incredulously, "DO I??!!"
What kind of question is that? With all the nasty side affects wouldn't you think that headaches would be somewhat commonplace? A brain scan? Please. Are comments like that really necessary?

Cancer Ramblings

Time to get a few things off my chest about this whole cancer thing.

First and foremost, Beth and I are having a slight disagreement on which route to take when the reconstruction (boob job) takes place. She is thinking more along the lines of a Resse Whiterspoon job. While I am leaning more towards the Scarlett Johansson look. Who's with me?

Feel free to chime in with your opinions. I will make sure I thoroughly research all options...

For the past couple of weeks I have been trying to convince Beth into taking her Indiana State Drivers License picture when she is completely bald. That way when she gets pulled over for speeding, she can hand the driver license to the cop and explain that the picture was taken during her battle with Breast Cancer. What cop would give her a ticket? Or better yet, she could say she just got done with a Chemo treatment and was rushing home before she yakked in the car. This has to work 9 times out of 10 doesn't it....

Our first experience with the Chemo doctor didn't start off all that well. Beth and I are sitting in a consultation room before treatment #1. Dr Logie is explaining all the effects that Chemo will have on Beth. All the while he is trying to sound as reassuring and positive as possible. Suddenly a nurse comes barging in and says, "EXCUSE ME! DR LOGIE, WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY. BERTHA IS UNCONSCIOUS AND IS NOT RESPONDING. COME QUICK!!!". Beth and I look at each other with a look of "really? did that just happen?". All right, Chemo sounds like the way to go. Sign us up....

Chemo makes you weak and feel like you have the flu. So is there not a better excuse to use the electric wheel chairs at Target? Beth refuses to use them. I just don't get her thought process sometimes...

I think someone should start a "Chemo Awareness" month. There has to be a better way to treat Cancer...

The girls are loving the influx of hats that have entered our home...

We are very thankful to have health insurance in times like these, but seriously, could they make the process any harder? We are 3 months into her being diagnosed and not one bill has been processed by insurance. They are waiting for proof of prior insurance, a list of doctors Beth has seen in the past 2 years, certificate of credible coverage, detailed bills from the surgeon, visual evidence of cancer (okay I made the last one up). The best part is NOBODY calls you from insurance if something is missing. They wait until you find out that they don't have all the documents they need. All the while the boob doctor is waiting to get paid...

Beth is well into week 3 of 20. Only 17 more weeks of Chemo. She is amazing and she is my hero.

I am off to do more research for reconstruction.

Alan

To Bic or not To Bic

Holy Smokes. It is totally falling out. I knew it would happen and I knew I wasn't prepared. I guess I just didn't know how unprepared I am. I'm not ready. It's getting all patchy and it feels like it is poking me back. Like the follicles are all hyper sensitive. Alan spent the night trying to comfort me in two ways. One, by telling me that I have the most beautifully shaped head he's ever seen. (Extremely sweet, and to which every time he said it I would get all misty and give him a heartfelt 'thank you'.) And two, by offering to bic my head for me so I wouldn't worry so much about the stubble falling out. Hmm. Didn't quite get the same reaction. Even though I'm not convinced that it wouldn't be best. The question is, could I actually do that?