Pregnancy, Menopause and Periods...

I have so much to catch up on that the idea of one comprehensive post is out the window. So I think I will take a page from Heidi's book and spew a little blog vomit. Here it goes...

My oncologist said that during my chemo treatments I would feel like I was going through menopause with all of its glorious side effects. I wasn't too concerned and I was actually a little excited to not have to deal with periods either for the next 6 months. However, aside from the hot flashes that have me reaching for my thermometer every hour, I feel more pregnant than anything else. Queasy, body aches, sore boobs (o.k. That's not from the chemo, but still.), waking up during the night to pee, ultra sensitive skin, gas pains, and cramps, just to name a few prego symptoms that I've been experiencing. So why the heck am I still having periods if I feel pregnant and I'm in some temporarily induced state of menopause?!!! Can't a girl catch a break?

I shaved my head yesterday. Well, Alan did. I decided I was much more afraid of my hair actually falling out than being bald so I thought I would just beat chemo to the punch. I was hoping I would feel empowered by it, but really I just feel butch. I look in the mirror and I see a red headed boy with a buzz looking back. I look like a bully. So I am compensating by wearing way too much make up (even though I hardly left my bed at all today) and dropping hints to Alan that for Christmas I want necklaces, earrings, perfume, and anything else that screams feminine. It reminds me of the time my dad shaved my head and my brother couldn't walk by me without rubbing my head with both hands and saying "I wish I had a watermelon, I wish I had a watermelon."

I've decided that this round of treatment will be much better than the last time. They told me it would be worse, but nothing can be worse than the unknown and the debilitating fear it caused me last time. I think sicker is fine as long as I know what I'm up against. So it's mind over matter this time and I think its working out for me. I still feel pretty nasty, but not being terrified certainly makes everything more doable. For that I am extremely grateful.

My right shoulder twitches about once every 45 seconds. Kind of like a mini shrug. Freaky side effect or precursor to turrets?

Oh. A little p.s. to the shaving my head thing. I am relieved that there were no unexpected bumps, ridges, or divots to report. And my hair isn't actually falling out yet, but if I pull on it it comes out in a clump, roots and all. (If hair that is only a 1/4 of an inch long can come out in clumps.) Note to self... stop pulling on hair.

I am also completely HGTV'd and Food Networked out. And I just re-read the Twilight series.

Apparently the steroids are still doing their thing because it's 1:37 am and I know I won't be able to sleep yet. That is a funny thing though. Now that I have such a hard time sleeping, I have developed a fondness for the sound of Alan's snoring. (Save your comment about how you don't snore for people that will believe you, Homes.) It makes me happy that I'm not keeping him up at night with all my restlessness. I really do like the sound of it now. It's peaceful.