Today was an emotional day for Beth. Most days she approaches her physical limitations, doesn’t complain much and just finds a way. Basic tasks like getting up to use the bathroom, getting dressed (with help) or even just rolling over in bed are physically exhausting. Today, she was just completely fed up and vented to me this evening. She told me about a TV show she watched with the nephews. They were watching an episode of American Ninja Warrior. Josh Levin was on the course and he was racing through the obstacles and had gone further than anyone else. He got to the last obstacle and was already physically exhausted. He had to climb the ‘invisible ladder’ and reach the top to finish the course. As he got within feet of finishing he was completely out of gas. He kicked his legs up with every last bit of energy and pulled himself up with his legs through the opening at the top of the obstacle and collapsed. He laid flat out on the ground unable to move for a few seconds before pushing the button to end his run. Beth related to Josh as he laid on the top of the obstacle completely spent. She said, “THAT IS HOW I FEEL AFTER I GO TO THE BATHROOM!”
Beth is upset that if someone walked into her room right now and said, “I will give you one billion dollars if you can do 5 jumping jacks”, she would not be able to do it. She is upset when she looks at her TimeHop App and she sees pictures from 1 year ago of her backpacking or riding rides at Cedar Point. She is upset on how fast things went south. She is upset that she is missing out. Of all of the crappy things cancer given has her, she is most upset at what cancer has taken from her, her ability to use her body the way she wants.
Tomorrow morning we start the trek home. It has been a great trip visiting family. Lily climbed in bed with her today and asked, “Mom, if you could go ANYWHERE in the next 6 months where would you want to go?” Beth’s said, “I just want to go wherever my family is. I want to be with the ones I love most”. Despite Lily being a little disappointed with the answer (she was hoping she would say Hawaii or Disney World) she gave her mom a big hug.