Beth is Very Stubborn - July 17th

This is one of the posts I am NOT going to let Beth read and/or proofread before I post. Chances are good she won’t read this post because she can never remember the blog address, or her password, or her Itunes password or her iPhone passcode to unlock her phone...You get the picture.

I am worried about her. I woke up this morning to Beth climbing back in bed after she got up to use the bathroom. I asked her how she was feeling and she said, “exhausted”.  The short walk to the bathroom and back should not thrust you into exhaustion. Beth was tired all day and slept for most of the day. She had a few visitors stop by and each time after they left she crashed and slept hard.  I told her I was concerned about how tired she seemed today and she said, “Nothing to worry about, it’s just my body healing itself”.  I imagined her little helpers camped out on her liver scrubbing away.

Google can be your best friend and it can be your worst enemy.  Anytime Beth has a day like today I can’t help but recall a google search I typed in a few weeks ago, “Symptoms in the last 2-3 months of life, Cancer”.

Here is what came up:

1. Fatigue - Fatigue is the feeling of being tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. Cancer-related fatigue is often defined as an unusual and ongoing sense of extreme tiredness that doesn’t get better with rest.

Beth just got done “resting” by sleeping most of the night. She got up to use the bathroom and came back to the bed completely fatigued.  Not good.

2. Pain - Signs that a person is in pain:

• Noisy breathing – labored, harsh, or rapid breaths
• Making pained sounds – including groaning, moaning, or expressing hurt
• Facial expressions – looking sad, tense, or frightened; frowning or crying
• Body language – tension, clenched fists, knees pulled up, inflexibility, restlessness, or looking like they’re trying to get away from the hurt area
• Body movement – changing positions to get comfortable but can’t

Beth has had all of these signs and especially today.

3. Appetite changes - You’re moving less, have less energy, less appetite, and less desire to eat. Food no longer smells good or tastes good. You seem to become full more quickly and are interested in fewer foods.

Check, check and check again.

4. Problems breathing - Trouble breathing and/or shortness of breath is very common in people with advanced cancer. You may feel short of breath or like you need to breathe faster and harder than normal. You might feel like you have liquid in your lungs and it makes you want to cough.

While her breathing has been getting better the last few days she still has to be on oxygen most of the day and her O2 levels rise and fall depending on her activity level.

For the record, neither of us feel like her time is near. There are just days where I overreact and freak out a little bit. Today was one of those days. 

Beth is strong. In fact just the other day she was talking about “next year” and “what if I made it to Ben’s mission?”.  Beth has always had a goal to “Make it to Missions". In our church, young men at the age of 18 and young women at the age of 19 are able to volunteer and serve as missionaries for the church. There are over 400 different missions across the world that they could be called to. They spend 2 years (men) or 18 months (women) doing church service, humanitarian aid, and community service. Ben is a little over 2 years away from his mission and while doctors and the statistics say that Beth does not have that time, I would not bet against her.  Beth is very stubborn.